Hello, September

Things have subsequently slowed down and sped up in the past month. It's a strange occurrence and it doesnt feel normal.

It's obvious that I have done a pretty decent job of kicking my serious internet habit in the past three weeks. The blog has substantially slowed, probably for the better, since all this sentimental bullshit cant be too entertaining for anyone to read. On the other hand, I have not kicked the habit of feeling oppressed and bogged down by circumstances that are inevitably beyond my control, so we can all thank whatever is up there laughing at all of us for continuously pushing me beyond my mental capacity.

The monotony of unemployment isnt all that monotonous. It's amazing how much shit you can find to do when you have the time to do it. Walking dogs. Riding horses. Going on mountain adventures. Eating dollar tacos and drinking too much vodka with old friends. My mom gave me the shitty eye yesterday and asked when my vacation was going to end.

But to be honest, its not much of a vacation. Because although I do like not working, I really DISlike not getting paid. That puts an enormous damper on my 'fun times out on the town with friends' vibe and adds more to the "Goddamnit Mom, I'm living on your futon. Do you really think this is a vacation for me?" type of thing I've got going at the moment.

And as much as I am screwing around some on a daily basis, I've already applied for a bunch of jobs, some of which make me cringe, others make me nervous, and then there are the ones where they're practically perfect minus the $10/hour pay. I'm so glad I paid so much money for this college degree. Correction: I'm so glad I will be paying so much money for this degree. Over the next 10 years. Unfortunately, getting paid hourly on a Hamilton level just isnt going to cut the expenses for me. But the alternative of sitting on my ass for nothing is just as unappealing.

Sigh.

In addition to all of this, I'm my own worst critic, as we all should be, and nothing makes me feel more guilty than asking for help from anyone, family, friends, whatevs. Not having a job hasnt been an option for me since I was 16 yrs old. Now isnt any different. Regardless of a crapshow economy.

It was my same shitty-eye-giving mother today who told me that I should not apply for a job I found that rested at 28k/yr because having my degree was worth more than that.

Uhh. At this incredibly early point in the unemployment game, I might have to disagree. If I can make it work on $12k, well, a $16 grand raise isnt all that bad of an upgrade. Does 28k/yr kind of make me want to throw up? Yes. But I've sucked up my pride before, and at this stage in the game, I'm going to follow my humility and go for whatever I can.

Balls to the wall, friends. September should be an interesting month. I'll squeeze what I can out of it.