Sometimes when I'm writing in this I get this pause of anxiety where I'm like "Hey self, you're pretty much opening up the inner corners and crevices of your thoughts to pretty much anyone who can read it. You realize that right? You realize that anyone in their right mind can read this and see that yours is pretty much constantly in the wrong??"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever, self.
That's one of those moments where your own inner dialogue catches up to you. And my inner dialogue sounds sort of like the Canadian House of Commons. If you havent ever had the opportunity or correct timing to catch the CHoC on some amazing channel like CSPAN2, I would suggest that you keep an eye open for it because the few hours I caught of it at a random moment a few yrs ago have stayed with me, burned into the core of my memory by the awesomeness that I witnessed. Via politicam.
You know when you see something on the news, like when that guy yelled "Liar!" at Obama during one of his speeches in Congress?? If they did that for the Canadian House of Commons, there would be enough news from one show to last for a year.
It's a constant mess of put-downs, jokes, huzzahs, inane ramblings, stark interruptions, amazing jargon, bizarre tradition, and those big powdery wigs that remind me of 4th grade history lessons.
So, to sum up what my inner dialogue sounds like, it pretty much sounds like a lot of crazy Canucks in a big room with what feels like no objective at all. After all, it is Canada.
Anyway.
I've been trying to blast-out the put-down voices. I think that was my point from the very beginning. Maybe hold on more to the voice that is joking. That one at least can help me with my newfound hobby.
Stand-up. I haven't really been visiting this topic in this blog. Don't be fooled, I'm pretty much thinking about it constantly. I get to see some amazing comics. So far just this year I've seen Dave Attell (twice!), Tom Green (AH!), Jim Jefferies, Aziz Ansari, Louis Johnson, and a bunch of other incredibly quality names that may not seem familiar but I really admire the myriad of abilities and styles I've seen. Laughing is a pretty awesome hobby.
And making people laugh is crazily narcotic. Making people laugh. It's a weird thing to do. There's something so honest about it. It works or it doesn't. You win, you lose. And being a beginner is a weird thing because I can walk off and think I sucked yet get great feedback. Or I can come off and feel like I did okay and get some pretty heavy criticism.
But I feel like each time I get onstage something better happens. I did three shows last wkend, Club 404 on Friday, Com Work South on Sunday, and Kingas on Sunday. And my set at Kingas was the most fun I've had on-stage so far. It felt natural.
It comes down to patience, I think. A virtue which escapes me on a pretty regular basis. But I'm trying. And I'm in the tunnel of so many aspects of my life right now, looking ahead to a light that gets a teensy bit bigger each day.
And right now I'm listening to the voice in my head that's saying "HURRY UP ALREADY DAMN IT!"
And the other one that's like "Jesus H Christ, Nicole. Shut the fuck up."
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