October.

It's nearly three wks since I wrote my last entry. And I dont really care.

What I will say is that...in general...the last two yrs of my life have been both humbling and moralizing. I've been humbled in that I no longer really think I'm good at much of anything, besides mediocrity. Which I'm generally okay with. And moralizing...in that I've been forced out of two of my favorite past-times by reasons which I have no control over. One of which is unrestrained debauchery. (God, I miss beer.) The other...well, we'll leave that one to rest on its laurels. I've actually become unintentionally conventionally moral. Who am I again?

What I do know is that I'm still looking...for what I dont know. Which begs the question how do you find something when you dont know what you're looking for? I assume its like meeting a significant other. Which I believe can only offer up the four following scenarios:

a) It's a fit and you stick with it.
b) It's a fit but something is fucked up.
c) It isnt a fit but you stick with it anyways.
d) It's not a fit, and you (or the other) have/has the good judgment to get out.

I also know that "love at first sight" is typically a fallacy. Sucks for me, because I'm pretty prone to it. In all aspects and endeavors. Whether its a job, a city, a dude, or whatever might be raising the eyebrows at the moment. Impulsion. It's a crackalicious addition. I've actually conquered that habit in many ways this year. Not because I've wanted to, might I add.

All of these forced situations, this sequence of events, this attempt at whatever...I feel like it lacks meaning. And meaning can come in many forms. I dont think I need to change the world to invoke it.

I read an amazing quote that went something along the lines of "Instead of living for the answers, live in the questions."

I think I could do that, if all questions were rhetorical.